I've been toying with the idea of taking actual instruction in ASP.NET that didn't involve Rolla U. No offense whatsoever intended to the celebrated "4 Guys"--if anyplace has a claim to be my alma mater of classic ASP, it's their website, and major props to them for everything they've given me over the years. WTC is offering a web application programming class that's a blend of VisualBasic.NET and ASP.NET; unfortunately, the time-slot turned out to be the deal-breaker.
Yet, as I perused the required courses for the program--pleased to find a de rigeur Ethics class--I was reminded of how many critical parts of a programmer's education must be left out of a two-year--or, indeed, even four-year degree. In a perfect world--which we all know means one smart enough to put me in charge--a programming degree would not be complete without any of the following courses:
Abnormal Psychology in the Workplace - Students will learn to recognize and neutralize co-worker and managerial pathologies such as gatekeeping, passive-aggression, prima-donna and/or drama-queen hissy-fits, stonewalling, brown-nosing, empire-building, back-stabbing and toadying. (Note: The graduate level version of this course will emphasize pricking holes in the Management Reality Distortion Field.)
Sandbagging - Students will first master the fundamentals of expectations management in the first half of the course, then progress to padding schedules and budgets for the inevitable but nevertheless unpredictable vaguaries of the real world upon both.
Marketing Language I and II - Students will study the language of Marketing, currently believed to be a Managementese patois. By the end of the first semester, students will be expected to detect which words and phrases are harmless vs. those guaranteed to completely hose schedules and feature lists. By the end of the second semester, students will be able to communicate simple ideas with real Marketing personnel.
Beginning Cat-herding - Students will approach basic project management skills by learning to cultivate organizational buy-in...or at least temporarily neutralize apathy, managerial and budgetary neglect, sabotage, and open cynicism while simultaneously co-opting the naifish energy of idea hamsters and those with ADOS.
The Care and Feeding of QA - Students will familiarize themselves with the unique psychology of Quality Assurance. Labwork will emphasis gauging the correct balance of pre-emptive unit-testing, trench-camaradarie, favor-trading and outright bribery necessary for maximizing the amount of significant bugs reported while minimizing the ones that can be kicked into the next software patch cycle.
Meeting Dynamics I, II, III, and IV - Over four-semesters of lecture and lab work, students will build proficiency in detecting hidden agendas, thwarting hijackers, shutting down grandstanding and public spankings, enforcing accountability, wringing decisions from stake-holders, and generally minimizing the amount of CO2 sucked into conference room HVAC intake grills. (Note: Course curriculum, including tests, to be personally developed by Professor Emeritus @rands.)
