I wonder whether Steve Jobs might have made a grave error this week by chalking up a "You can't make this stuff up" kind of news item. Because it's all too obvious now that the spectacular market dominance of Apple derives not from leveraging decades of outside-the-mainstream acumen, but, rather, from Jobs' own formidible superpowers. Which can only mean that the fortunes of other brand-name software companies are likewise driven by superheroes and superheroines of varying degrees of...errrrrr...superness.
Alas, given the fractiousness of industry, I don't think that we mere mortals can bank on a DC Comics "Justice Friends" scenario--nor, alas, even the assumption that all are working for good. Except, naturally, The Googlers. (In light of tonight's revelations, that "Don't Be Evil" motto takes on whole 'nuther implications, now dunnit...huh? See? Told you so. Remember, folks: You read it here first.)
Anyhoo. Based on the last thirty years or so, we can reliably piece together dossiers of the more notable super-heroes and super-villians--yea even the super-moral-ambiguities. I fancy they'd look something like the following:
Name: Steve Jobs
Secret Identity: The Once and Future CEO of Apple Computer, Inc.
Superpower(s): Mind-control to the point of Stockholm Syndrome-like behavior in his minion-customers--a state typically induced with sleek-looking gadgets and annoyingly slippery interfaces.
Favored Combat Weapon: (See above)
Sidekick (former): Woz, for some time widely regarded as the brains behind the outfit.
Archnemesis: John Sculley
Name: Bill Gates
Secret Identity: Dark Lord of the Evil Empire, albeit sometimes conflated with The Borg
Superpower(s): Relentless assimilation of competing technologies. FUD (Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt).
Favored Combat Weapon: Sticker-gun capable of plastering the Microsoft logo over any software product concept with so much as a hint of commercial viability.
Sidekick: Steve Ballmer (largely for comic relief)
Archnemisis: Richard Stallman
Name: Larry Ellison
Secret Identity: El Supremo Presidente and CEO for Life of Oracle Corporation (See also: What Keanu Reeves can expect to look like 20 years from now)
Superpower(s): 1.) A highly selective form of mind control that causes CIOs to fork over gazillions of dollars for great gobs of database code that require a batallion of DBA-nannies 2.) Spider-like patience and perserverence in acquiring rival and/or complimentary companies
Favored Combat Weapon: Duct-tape (a custom-made polymer comprised of platinum, diamond-dust, shredded first-round Berkshire-Hathaway stock and the sheer futility of resistance)
Sidekick: Mark Hurd
Archnemesis: Oracle's own business practices
Name: Larry Page and Sergey Brin (they share the same brain, doncha' know?)
Secret Identity: Lords of The Google
Superpower(s): The ability to found (another!) web search company during of the dot-com meltdown and scare the living beejeebers out of everybody else within a few short years
Favored Combat Weapon(s): 1.) Knowing how to find absolutely anything (and, oh, btw, your belly-button fuzz is a light grey-purple color today) 2.) 20% time
Sidekick: The little green Android dude
Archnemesis: The government of The People's Republic of China. And--far more amusingly--Rupert Murdoch. (Way to sweep the "judging people by their enemies" category, guyzos! ['doffs chapeau])
Name: Mark Zuckerberg
Secret Identity: That snot-nosed brat who started Facebook
Superpower(s): The ability to drag down entire national economies with time-wasting inanity (see also: Farmville), and inducing his acolytes to recruit other acolytes with completely meaningless "gifts" and/or sheep-throwing
Favored Combat Weapon: Peer pressure
Sidekick: The other three snot-nosed brats who started Facebook...but you've never heard of
Archnemesis: MySpace...not to mention everybody with Web 2.0 dollar-signs in their eyes
Name: Evan Williams and Biz Stone
Secret Identity: Wait...y'mean there are actual people behind Twitter? (And here I thought it was all bird-powered...)
Superpower(s): An infinite capacity to capitialize on celebrity-driven ephemera and the ever-imploding attention-span of the connected world
Favored Combat Weapon: 1.) Sparkly balls of tin-foil 2.) The "Retweet" link
Sidekick: The Fail Whale (nat'cherly!)
Archnemesis: Sesquipedalians
