Yes, I know this is a First World Problem, and please don't get me wrong: I like giving. But wrapping presents? [shudder] At this time of year in particular, it becomes metaphor for everything that's wrong with our credit-fueled, bling-obsessed culture. (Not to mention how it rubs my nose in the fact that I've again knuckled under. Also in how very much I suck at it: Oh, it should be a matter of trivial geometry--that is, until the paper expands and shrinks while I cut it. Tricksy paper--it hatesss usss, yess it doess, my precioussss...) I could bang on about the superficiality, the waste, the mind-boggling non sequitur that is the stick-on bow, but let's take the obvious for granted, shall we?
Sadly, the era when cardboard wrapping paper cores could be "repurposed" in light-sabre duels ended circa 1984--timing I blame more on the fact that my (non-geek) sister turned 14 and thus, by definition, too cool for such antics than the fact that Return of the Jedi was soooo 1983. ('Cuz', really, the Empire was toast, Darth Vader made his deathbed return to The Light Side, Leia and Han were finally going to have a chance to "do it," Luke was officially a Jedi, blahblahblah. For love of The Force, how much more closure do you geeks need anyway??!!)
But I digress.
It didn't help my opinion of how I spent a chunk of this evening when I realized that I, in essence, was marketing--and not necessarily in the best of ways. Obviously, printed paper and bows bling things up. (Dennis' Aunt used to forgo tags for writing the recipients' names in glitter--a custom quickly put out to pasture when she and his uncle adopted one, then two daughters.) Then, too, there's the element of artificial mystery created by disguising the contents. (Dad--the eternal practical joker--took that to an extreme with my Stepmom by nesting a jewelery within a matroishka doll of boxes--all the way up to cardboard that had once held a washing machine.)
But, for me, the most soul-sucking aspect is the pointless herd-following. Which makes it like so much other "marketing." Like the full page ad in the--dying--New York Times. A float in the Macy's parade. The eponymous stadium. The Facebook "fan page" that's only followed by other spammers. The CEO's blog that hasn't been updated (by the CEO's personal assistant, naturally) since 2004. The Twitter account that consists mainly of Foursquare-esque check-ins to the office. Robo-calling and spamming and catalog-bombing a one-time customer relentlessly enough to drive her/him into the arms of the competitor...assuming s/he ever needs such a product again.
That sort of thing. Depressing, really. Maybe I'm extrapolating the simile too much. I'm not above "recycling" wrapping paper--Dennis picks on me for it, in fact--but honestly, wouldn't it just be easier on everyone if we'd just save a small stack of "holiday" grocery store bags for gift-wrapping and call it good? Anyone with me? Anybody?
