Sunday, August 30, 2009

The Pamplona china shop *

Here's a visualization, somewhat math-oriented. Remember the X-axis and the Y-axis from Geometry and Algebra? Good. Now imagine the X-axis (the west-to-east one) as a spectrum of how much damage an organization can take before it crumbles. Now imagine the Y-axis (the south-to-north one) as the amount of damage that a single employee can do. We're talking about the lowest-common-denominator employee. Typically, that's the employee who answers phones or stands at a counter or knocks on doors.

"Wait. Why not the janitor or housekeeper?" some may wonder. That's because the folks who clean the toilets are probably contractors, not employees. I'm talking about people who are can be paid, trained, and informed at the minimum required level yet are still "important" enough from an organizational standpoint that some middle-management satrap can't bear the thought of not having them directly under her/his thumb from an org. chart standpoint.

Here's the memo that every suit working for a consumer-oriented business in any society affluent enough to support even cell-phone quality cameras and dial-up internet speeds needs to get: What would be known in geometry as the "origin"--i.e. (0, 0) or dead center--on that X-Y coordinate system has moved southwest faster than a sun-bird pointing an RV for Tempe, AZ in November. I'm not talking about PR debacles like Jimmy the Greek or Don Imus--both were too high-profile. I'm talking about people who have to wear a badge for the customer to know their name.

Now, however, it's not a matter of whether AP/Reuters decree that a slip-up (however public) is news. Witness the Domino's Pizza debacle. Or the Comcast technician falling asleep on the customer's couch. Both went viral on YouTube without the help of the gatekeepers of mainstream media.

Understand that I'm not defending the Domino's...errr...amateur video-makers. I might have a teeny bit more sympathy for the Comcast guy, but not even that much. Ultimately, however, I feel zero sympathy for either Domino's or Comcast. In the case of Domino's: Welcome to the cost of winning the race to the bottom. In the case of Comcast, when one of your own technicians has to wait on the line for an hour, you're merely reaping what you sow. And good shuttance to the both of you and everyone like you who's called out on forgetting who actually pays the bills.

I'll admit that ten or so years ago, I fell for the Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe email hoax. The reason being that I trusted the person who had sent the email. The thing about YouTube, however, is that you don't have to receive an email; tagging and links and Tweets will do. And belief depends merely upon your determination of whether or not the video was faked. That's another dimension: The fakes are called out a lot more speedily than they were ten and fifteen years ago. Which is good news for the organizations being slandered. But the bad news for those that aren't is that merely firing the persons responsible and issuing an apology on the corporate website probably isn't enough to counteract the damage.

It basically points back to just doing things the right way in the first place. Once upon a time, it was merely a platitude to say that the customer is always right. But when the customer has a flip-cam and DSL? Well, that's where the rubber hits the road. The problem, IMO, is that most companies still think that it's a PR issue--i.e. a matter of spin. But we're only seeing the proverbial tip of the iceberg. You can only have the CEO fidgeting and reading a script in front of a video-cam so many times before it's evident that there's no commitment to making things right in any permanent sense.

In other words, any business that relies on consumers has to realize that it's a china shop in the city of bulls. Those that don't install bulletproof glass and blame the employees for the smashed china are pretty hard to feel sorry for when they go toes-up. (Not, of course, that they necessarily will: My own incompetent ISP--CenturyTel--is avoiding the consequences of its own suckiness by growing bigger--and presumably even more sucky and less responsive--with EMBARQ. At which point the hapless consumer either tries her/his luck with the other 800-lb. gorilla in town or hopes for disruptive technology to plant them both in the fiscal graveyard.)

---
* Apologies for the belated post: CenturyTel was sucking--on steroids--last nigh. Today started out at 55 mph and hasn't slowed down until now.