But in the original spirit--and on the authority of having been "contractor scum" at a certain company whose initials sometimes stand for "I'm Being Micro-managed" (exceptions made for T.P., M.A., D.P., A.B, and B.W.: You all know who you are)--here's my advice to the company that took over their PC/laptop product-line.
An Open Letter to Lenovo
It's been a tough week, I know. Trending Twitter hashtags for two days and counting. Even Facebook has stopped gawping at the Kardashians and 50 Shades of Domestic Abuse long enough to pay attention. Bad times.Bottom Line: You sold out your users to spammers and left them open to malicious hackers. All by the cheesy expedient of pre-installing malware and an easy-to-fake root certificate. I'm sure somebody must have paid you something to go to all the trouble of pimping your (theoretical) customers to spammers.
But, let's face it. You're not even bush-league when it comes to selling out the people who use your product. You have to get in line far, far behind Facebook, Google, Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram, Snapchat, and their ilk for that kind of thing. I mean, you weren't even bothering to steal passwords, account numbers, or sensitive personal information yourself. How is anyone supposed to take you seriously?
Your problem is that you're thinking just like a typical I/T company. Parochial hayseeds! So narrow-minded, focused on only the eyeballs of the average internet user. Unlike them, however, you're in a position to monetise so, so much more of your client. Well, at least until the whole self-driving car thing takes off and then who knows? That's what should be keeping you up at nightT The possibility of Google having a whole (computing) commuter--or more!--at their mercy.
I tell you, now is the time to execute on your strengths. You're in hardware: You can always count on economies of scale. The future will soon bring haptic keyboards so sensitive you can take fingerprints. By then, webcams will be capable of emitting low-intensity light. Either one of those should be worth a fortune when you can sell fingerprints and retina scans by the thousand to identity thieves.
And that's just what current technology could be tweaked to do. Just imagine the future! Surely you can (cough!) "partner" (cough!) with the NSA, GCHQ, CSIS, or any sufficiently internetted tin-pot dictatorship to take up the slack for whatever your underfunded, offshored R&D Department won't provide. For the slight inconvenience of letting them snoop on every twitch your users make, they can reciprocate by opening their books to you.
Think of the possibilities! Trackpads and touch-screens capable of scanning your customers to the DNA level. Then it's a mere triviality to wire the button-mouse to deliver a lethal jolt of electricity to young, healthy customers. Have "sharing economy" contractor already on standby to Uber the corpse to the nearest organ-harvesting facility, and it's like printing money!
And that's just one suggestion for a possible sideline business. Doubtless, your C-suite has a much more panoramic vision for monetising your users. Down to the last cell, if possible. That's why the suits are paid the big bucks, after all.
It's time to pull up your big-kid pants and get to work. You have a lot of ground to make up before you can go toe-to-toe with the dark-nets or the Russian Mob or anyone else who knows how to use a computer to make money. Your customers are already paying you a premium for the privilege of being abused--it's time to step up your game.
XOXO,
Doreen
