No, what I'm talking about tonight really falls into the category of B-list "highs" for geeks. It's intended mostly for those whose work or domestic tranquility depends in some part on recognizing these symptoms. If you already grok the immersion and de-gremlin bits above, congratulations: You're already ahead of the curve.
So, in no particular order, such "symptoms" include:
- Feedback main-lining If you see a geek type an arcane incantation into a black screen and seem to scrutinize the oodles and oodles of text that scrolls up the screen and off the radar--with complete grasp of its details--never mind how fast it disappears--you're witnessing an itty-bitty little geek "high." The computer has been water-boarded into divulging everything it knows. And, particularly for geeks who came of age in the 80s and early 90s, there is nothing so primally satisfying.
- The "Master of the Universe" dashboard Just this morning, our formidible SysAdmin--and, no, you still won't hire him away from us if you know what's good for you--showed me a third-party tool that allows him to access/manage all the servers at once. Which, admittedly, was pretty darned cool. Mind you, at the time, I really only needed him to rename a couple folders, rescue a couple of accidentally deleted files, and bump up my permissions to a database. But I guess he had to show somebody, and--apparently--a recovering SysAdmin wannabe was good enough.
- Gratuitous hardware Sure, most software doesn't insist on octal-core processors, triple-digit gigabytes of RAM, much less hard drive storage capacity that would bug out the eyes of any futuristic science fiction show ever? It's not what you actually do with it--before the next upgrade, anyway--it's what you can do. If a freak lightning strike takes out NASA's control center minutes before the the Space Shuttle is due to land, that intrepid (and hot!) intern can jack into your system and together you can save the day--and that's all that matters when the credits roll, baby!
- Things that Light Up Personally, I think this is something of a revenant--for all I know insinuated into our little geeky brains via Saturday morning cartoons. But, really, how can you not pay attention to the LED on your USB drive when it's backing up data? Or, similarly, if the light's not the flashy kind--say, on your laptop's power-brick--how can you not avert your eyes after unplugging or resist the urge to cradle it against you as the little light fades, crooning, "Hang in there, help is coming," as the light dies? (If not, what kind of anthropomorphizer are you, I want to know?!?!)
- The Need for Speed Mind you, I don't consider it any coincidence that our office Alpha-Geek used to race cars and just happens to be the one who seems to delight most in performance improvements. Nuh-uh. So what if the application was up on blocks while the clients were climbing the walls? Can't they see how much faster it runs now? (Don't mind the bondo and primer--that'll buff out...)
- Connoisseuship of Cross-referential Arcana By which I mean "inside jokes" found outside their natural habitat. By which I further mean collating and publishing all known instances. Prime example, courtesy of @afstanton: Joss Whedon's "Han Solo in carbonite" knick-knack having a recurring role in Firefly. Or the sly little Lord of the Rings nuances in Babylon 5 (or its short-lived successor Crusade). (Or for that matter, the crudely rendered X-Files schtick in the afore-mentioned Crusade). Because who wants to be the hayseed who's getting by on memorizing all the Lexx scripts? Cosmopolitan geeks FTW!
