Friday, July 29, 2011
No post tonight
Preparations for a family reunion have called dibs on the evening, and tomorrow will come earlier than even most weekdays. Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Touche.
The "car doctor" for my 15 year-old beastie changed ownership somewhat recently. I've been pleasantly surprised to notice no difference in the faces nor the service since then. But, as the courtesy van driver--somewhat older than I--schlepped me to work, I made conversation by asking how things had changed.
Naturally, I was expecting a diplomatic answer. But he went on quite convincingly about how all the same folks were in place, and the former owner had made himself deliberately scarce, practicing for retirement. Which all warmed my heart, until I was collecting my backpack and clambering out of the van and he said, "Nope, the only thing that's really changed is the computer program...and that's what takes a fellow the longest time to learn."
I'll confess that I didn't have the moxie to tell him what I do for my crust. But...point taken.
Naturally, I was expecting a diplomatic answer. But he went on quite convincingly about how all the same folks were in place, and the former owner had made himself deliberately scarce, practicing for retirement. Which all warmed my heart, until I was collecting my backpack and clambering out of the van and he said, "Nope, the only thing that's really changed is the computer program...and that's what takes a fellow the longest time to learn."
I'll confess that I didn't have the moxie to tell him what I do for my crust. But...point taken.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Frivolous Friday, 07.22.2011: Computer wizardry
For me, it's the end of an era, really. When I had first moved to La Crosse, but was waiting for Dennis to join me, I picked up a paperback copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone at Quillins to pass an evening or two. Normally I have an allergic reaction to that sort of phenomenon--particularly as the movie was due to come out. This turned out to be the exception. I finished the book series darned near three years ago--trying not to audibly sob in front of my fellow Amtrak passengers, mind you. But seeing the movie somehow closed the door on all that.
It even filtered into my work today. Testing a fix to the page that creates a new user, the user name was of course "harrypotter" with the password "horcrux7" and an email address of "harry.potter@hogwarts.edu." Which naturally triggered the question of what computing would look like in the semi-medieval world of Hogwarts and Diagon Alley and such. A few conjectures:
It even filtered into my work today. Testing a fix to the page that creates a new user, the user name was of course "harrypotter" with the password "horcrux7" and an email address of "harry.potter@hogwarts.edu." Which naturally triggered the question of what computing would look like in the semi-medieval world of Hogwarts and Diagon Alley and such. A few conjectures:
- The most hackable passwords would be variations on "alohamora."
- Monitors (and their corresponding windowing systems) would be replaced by crystal balls. (Kinda cool when you think about it...)
- Avatars would be replaced by patronuses.
- Wizard programmers would complain about the knut-pinching (goblin) bean-counters outsourcing their jobs to house elves.
- Pen computing would necessarily be replaced by wand computing.
- The strongest crypto-algorithm would be based on Parseltongue.
- Rogue processes would be terminated by bringing up a command prompt and typing "aveda kedavra."
- User manuals and operating systems would need to support Mermish.
- Gryffindors would use Linux, Slytherins would use Macs, Hufflepuffs would use Windows, and Ravenclaws would roll their own operating systems over summer break.
- Google Earth would resemble the love-child of Foursquare and a giant version of the Marauder's Map. ("Rubeus Hagrid just became mayor of The Leaky Cauldron.")
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Ringing half the bell
Pop Quiz: What would you do if you knew that 50% of your potential competition doesn't actually exist?
Maybe it's one of those unquestioned conventional wisdom things--an old wives' tale of capitalism, if you will--that bit about "Half of success is just showing up."
Or maybe it's that I'm still somewhat crabby that a contractor dude postponed my dinner with Dennis by half an hour by deciding that our shed roof wasn't worth his time. (I wouldn't call it wasted time, b/c it was spent with Dennis.)
Or maybe my trade as a web programmer raises the bar for the expectation of instant gratification.
Whatever.
We're used to the bell curve--it's baked into our judgement in so many ways, even if we've never been formally exposed to statistics. But in The Real World (TM), oftentimes only numbers greater than zero need apply. And not showing up equates to less than zero. (Yes, I understand that eBay and Craigslist vendors have differing amounts of skin in the game--each is filling a different niche--but I also humbly suggest that Craigslist would do well to (re)consider the benefits of "reputation" tier.)
Yes, I know that the business textbooks currently in vogue tell you to ignore your competition and relentlessly focus on your vision and just look at Steve Jobs and yadayadayada. (Me, I think that the problem, historically, has less to do about obsessing over the competition than recognizing it in the first place.) But if you can't help but obsess over any competition, doesn't it help you sleep better at night knowing that half of them don't actually exist?
Maybe it's one of those unquestioned conventional wisdom things--an old wives' tale of capitalism, if you will--that bit about "Half of success is just showing up."
Or maybe it's that I'm still somewhat crabby that a contractor dude postponed my dinner with Dennis by half an hour by deciding that our shed roof wasn't worth his time. (I wouldn't call it wasted time, b/c it was spent with Dennis.)
Or maybe my trade as a web programmer raises the bar for the expectation of instant gratification.
Whatever.
We're used to the bell curve--it's baked into our judgement in so many ways, even if we've never been formally exposed to statistics. But in The Real World (TM), oftentimes only numbers greater than zero need apply. And not showing up equates to less than zero. (Yes, I understand that eBay and Craigslist vendors have differing amounts of skin in the game--each is filling a different niche--but I also humbly suggest that Craigslist would do well to (re)consider the benefits of "reputation" tier.)
Yes, I know that the business textbooks currently in vogue tell you to ignore your competition and relentlessly focus on your vision and just look at Steve Jobs and yadayadayada. (Me, I think that the problem, historically, has less to do about obsessing over the competition than recognizing it in the first place.) But if you can't help but obsess over any competition, doesn't it help you sleep better at night knowing that half of them don't actually exist?
Friday, July 15, 2011
Frivolous Friday, 07.15.2011: BFAQ
An atypical first night of "babysitting bees" at the La Crosse County Fair, by many measures. The rain was mostly responsible for that. When I arrived shortly after 7pm, the Dairy building (where they sell the malts and ice cream) was packed. And--with all due respect to the talented wood-carvers, bees have a certain Fierce Creatures appeal that sometimes keeps people away, but mostly tends to draw them to the observation hive.
I like to believe that my previous incarnations of technical writer and Marketing Dept. henchwoman serve me well enough for the questions that come in. But, in the several years we've been doing this, I find that some questions are more commonly asked than others. So, while the answers are not cookie-cutter (for they are often springboards to interesting follow-up questions...which is where what I consider the "real" conversation takes place). But in the spirit of public service, here's a gloss.
What's up with CCD? Many folks strike up a conversation asking how the bees are doing--by which they mean, "Has anyone figured out the silver bullet for Colony Collapse Disorder yet?" Sadly, the answer is "No." For the simple reason that, to the best of our understanding, it's in some ways more a symptom than a disease. Monoculture (i.e. un-balanced nutrition), pesticides, migratory beekeeping, decades of fighting off parasitic mites and lethal "foulbrood" molds (i.e. the usual antibiotics arms-race), etc. come together. Rather like no one truly dies of AIDS--it's the secondary infection that kills them.
Which ones are the boys and which ones are the girls? Honeybees come in three kinds: Workers, drones and the Queen. The Queen exists to lay eggs--up to 2000 a day, which is more than her body weight. She is entirely dependent on the workers (her daughters) to feed, clean and otherwise care for her. The drones (the males) exist to mate with a Queen--more than likely from another hive. However, the workers usually kick them out of the hive to starve and/or freeze in the Fall, because they're useless at that point. The workers do everything else, from housekeeping to raising new brood to construction and carting resources, to guard duty, and finally to foraging for nectar and pollen.
How long do they live? Drones normally don't live past Autumn. Workers born in Spring/Summer live about six weeks before their wings wear out. Queens can last 2-3 years.
How does a honeybee become a Queen? Worker bees and Queen bees start out as a fertilized egg. The food on which the larva is fed determines everything. The high-protein "royal jelly" allows Queens to mature much faster (16 days from egg to hatching, as opposed to three weeks), and makes her larger. Drones, by contrast, are--Y-chromosome excepted--a perfect genetic copy of their mother.
How often are new Queens made? Surprisingly, "regime change" is typically up to the plebians, rather than the Monarchy. It could be a swarm (when the old Queen and about half the hive fly off to found a new colony) or a supercedure, when the old Queen dies or isn't performing. In either case, the workers choose suitably young larvae and not only feed them accordingly, but also build extra large cells in which the new Queens go from egg to larva to cocoon to Queen. The catch is that the first Queen to hatch typically stings her rivals to death. A few days later, she will go on her mating flight(s) and eventually settle down to lay eggs for the rest of her life.
How do you get the honey out? Bees collect nectar and partially break it down, then store it in the upper parts of the hive. Through evaporation, its water content is reduced to ~16%, at which point they cap it with wax to keep it from rehydrating. We take out the frames of honeycomb, remove the wax cap, and put the frames in an extractor, where centrifugal force pulls the honey out of the comb and out of a gate at the bottom where it can be strained and bottled.
A jar of honey I bought crystalized. Should I throw it out? No. Set the bottle in a pan of warm water, and problem solved. Unless the moisture content is too high, honey is the one food that should never spoil. (Just ask the Pharohs.)
How much honey do you get? Personally, our hives have ranged between zero and 160 pounds in a season. Mind you, the 160 came from one hive, while the one eight feet away did absolutely bupkis. Why? Because it's basically farming with six-legged livestock.
How often do you get stung? Me, less than once a year. And always, always because I did something stupid. (Dennis, who--per usual--does the heavy lifting, maybe once a year--but he's been known to do silly things, too.) Unlike yellowjackets, a honeybee can only sting you once, because for her it's a suicide mission. In other words: Stinging is a last resort--the "nuclear option," if you will. (And if you are stung by a honeybee, by all means, scrape out the stinger--fingernail, credit card, whatever--don't reach for the tweezers, because you'll just squeeze more venom into you.
I like to believe that my previous incarnations of technical writer and Marketing Dept. henchwoman serve me well enough for the questions that come in. But, in the several years we've been doing this, I find that some questions are more commonly asked than others. So, while the answers are not cookie-cutter (for they are often springboards to interesting follow-up questions...which is where what I consider the "real" conversation takes place). But in the spirit of public service, here's a gloss.
What's up with CCD? Many folks strike up a conversation asking how the bees are doing--by which they mean, "Has anyone figured out the silver bullet for Colony Collapse Disorder yet?" Sadly, the answer is "No." For the simple reason that, to the best of our understanding, it's in some ways more a symptom than a disease. Monoculture (i.e. un-balanced nutrition), pesticides, migratory beekeeping, decades of fighting off parasitic mites and lethal "foulbrood" molds (i.e. the usual antibiotics arms-race), etc. come together. Rather like no one truly dies of AIDS--it's the secondary infection that kills them.
Which ones are the boys and which ones are the girls? Honeybees come in three kinds: Workers, drones and the Queen. The Queen exists to lay eggs--up to 2000 a day, which is more than her body weight. She is entirely dependent on the workers (her daughters) to feed, clean and otherwise care for her. The drones (the males) exist to mate with a Queen--more than likely from another hive. However, the workers usually kick them out of the hive to starve and/or freeze in the Fall, because they're useless at that point. The workers do everything else, from housekeeping to raising new brood to construction and carting resources, to guard duty, and finally to foraging for nectar and pollen.
How long do they live? Drones normally don't live past Autumn. Workers born in Spring/Summer live about six weeks before their wings wear out. Queens can last 2-3 years.
How does a honeybee become a Queen? Worker bees and Queen bees start out as a fertilized egg. The food on which the larva is fed determines everything. The high-protein "royal jelly" allows Queens to mature much faster (16 days from egg to hatching, as opposed to three weeks), and makes her larger. Drones, by contrast, are--Y-chromosome excepted--a perfect genetic copy of their mother.
How often are new Queens made? Surprisingly, "regime change" is typically up to the plebians, rather than the Monarchy. It could be a swarm (when the old Queen and about half the hive fly off to found a new colony) or a supercedure, when the old Queen dies or isn't performing. In either case, the workers choose suitably young larvae and not only feed them accordingly, but also build extra large cells in which the new Queens go from egg to larva to cocoon to Queen. The catch is that the first Queen to hatch typically stings her rivals to death. A few days later, she will go on her mating flight(s) and eventually settle down to lay eggs for the rest of her life.
How do you get the honey out? Bees collect nectar and partially break it down, then store it in the upper parts of the hive. Through evaporation, its water content is reduced to ~16%, at which point they cap it with wax to keep it from rehydrating. We take out the frames of honeycomb, remove the wax cap, and put the frames in an extractor, where centrifugal force pulls the honey out of the comb and out of a gate at the bottom where it can be strained and bottled.
A jar of honey I bought crystalized. Should I throw it out? No. Set the bottle in a pan of warm water, and problem solved. Unless the moisture content is too high, honey is the one food that should never spoil. (Just ask the Pharohs.)
How much honey do you get? Personally, our hives have ranged between zero and 160 pounds in a season. Mind you, the 160 came from one hive, while the one eight feet away did absolutely bupkis. Why? Because it's basically farming with six-legged livestock.
How often do you get stung? Me, less than once a year. And always, always because I did something stupid. (Dennis, who--per usual--does the heavy lifting, maybe once a year--but he's been known to do silly things, too.) Unlike yellowjackets, a honeybee can only sting you once, because for her it's a suicide mission. In other words: Stinging is a last resort--the "nuclear option," if you will. (And if you are stung by a honeybee, by all means, scrape out the stinger--fingernail, credit card, whatever--don't reach for the tweezers, because you'll just squeeze more venom into you.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Revisited wisdom
About a decade and three employers ago, my team's intern signed his email with the slogan "Efficiency is intelligent laziness." I was reminded of the truth of that today, while being pleasantly surprised at how J. had consolidated a somewhat Rube Goldberg patchwork of code into an impressively streamlined VB.Net executable. "Pleasant," because it's good to see people take ownership, even of the under-appreciated scut-work. But also because it vastly simplifies the code I was planning to hang off that.
That being said, I couldn't resist asking for just one tweak: "You know what would be even more awesome?" asked I (rhetorically, of course), "if it fired off an email when it was done." "I don't think I've ever done that in VB.Net," temporized J. I was about to offer to do the Google legwork to work it out for him, when he mused aloud, "Can we just do that through the database?" Bingo. There was our answer. One stupid-simple INSERT statement, and a scheduled job (already in place) takes care of the heavy lifting.
Yeah, I'll probably be "fancy" in that I'll have the .BAT files prompt users for an alternate email address. But J.--who is about the age of the afore-mentioned intern--reminded me of the importance of intelligent laziness. That and the fact that neither of us would have come up with that solution on our own. Maybe I won't ever catch the Agile religion, but sometimes it doesn't hurt to be able to sing along with some of the hymns. (Anyone raised as a Methodist--like I was--knows what I'm talking about)
That being said, I couldn't resist asking for just one tweak: "You know what would be even more awesome?" asked I (rhetorically, of course), "if it fired off an email when it was done." "I don't think I've ever done that in VB.Net," temporized J. I was about to offer to do the Google legwork to work it out for him, when he mused aloud, "Can we just do that through the database?" Bingo. There was our answer. One stupid-simple INSERT statement, and a scheduled job (already in place) takes care of the heavy lifting.
Yeah, I'll probably be "fancy" in that I'll have the .BAT files prompt users for an alternate email address. But J.--who is about the age of the afore-mentioned intern--reminded me of the importance of intelligent laziness. That and the fact that neither of us would have come up with that solution on our own. Maybe I won't ever catch the Agile religion, but sometimes it doesn't hurt to be able to sing along with some of the hymns. (Anyone raised as a Methodist--like I was--knows what I'm talking about)
Saturday, July 9, 2011
(belated) Frivolous Friday, 07.08.2011: The Grateful Dead edition
(In honor of the last day of publication for News of the World--don't let the door hit'cha where the Good Lord split'cha, hey?. And in fervent hope that the public and Fourth Estate will jointly raise the standard of "journalism.")
Hackin', got my soul cashed in, just hackin', working for The Man
A raccoon more or less tipping society's trash can.
The newstands bleed scandal and ink onto Main Street
It's not news if it don't line the pockets of Fleet Street
A typical tabloid shilling self-serving pipe-dreams:
It's about ads justifyin' the means.
Royals under the microscope, celebrities are the dope:
More grease for our slipperly slope, just can't let 'em be, oh no.
Most of the blokes that you meet say they're looking for real news
Most of the time they're zoning and surfing the 'tubes.
But they'd have to read past the model on Page 2--
I say screw 'em, they'll never be nothing but rubes.
Hackin', working for The Man, no point making a principled stand
My profession ain't worth a dime, if I can't drag it down.
Now a spot-light is shinin' on me,
So bright that I can barely see.
Lately it occurs to me, what a sordid trip it's been.
What in the world ever became of ethics?
Somehow we find ourselves in sleaze up past our necks--
Slinging right-wing propaganda and cheap sex
Just try and complain--we'll "profile" you next.
Hackin', got to buffalo the public--got to tell the proles
How they're gonna vote in the polls, and just keep hackin' on
My job is to keep the powerful honest
So next week I'm havin' drinks with the PM
I'd like some time to primp for that love-fest,
But if you've got a warrant, I guess you're gonna come in.
Hoisted on my own petard, watching this whole house of cards
Come down, I've run out of canards to hold off Scotland Yard--oh no.
So we'll pardon the lord and punish the minion--
The pols and public never tire of that schtick:
Even in the court of public opinion,
With no sex in the scandal, no way you'll make it stick.
Now a spot-light is shinin' on me,
So bright that I can barely see.
Lately it occurs to me, what a sordid trip it's been.
Hackin', Imma find a new home, whoa, whoa baby, back where I belong,
Starting next Sunday with The Sun, and just keep hackin' on.
Hey now, get back hackin' on.
Hackin', got my soul cashed in, just hackin', working for The Man
A raccoon more or less tipping society's trash can.
The newstands bleed scandal and ink onto Main Street
It's not news if it don't line the pockets of Fleet Street
A typical tabloid shilling self-serving pipe-dreams:
It's about ads justifyin' the means.
Royals under the microscope, celebrities are the dope:
More grease for our slipperly slope, just can't let 'em be, oh no.
Most of the blokes that you meet say they're looking for real news
Most of the time they're zoning and surfing the 'tubes.
But they'd have to read past the model on Page 2--
I say screw 'em, they'll never be nothing but rubes.
Hackin', working for The Man, no point making a principled stand
My profession ain't worth a dime, if I can't drag it down.
Now a spot-light is shinin' on me,
So bright that I can barely see.
Lately it occurs to me, what a sordid trip it's been.
What in the world ever became of ethics?
Somehow we find ourselves in sleaze up past our necks--
Slinging right-wing propaganda and cheap sex
Just try and complain--we'll "profile" you next.
Hackin', got to buffalo the public--got to tell the proles
How they're gonna vote in the polls, and just keep hackin' on
My job is to keep the powerful honest
So next week I'm havin' drinks with the PM
I'd like some time to primp for that love-fest,
But if you've got a warrant, I guess you're gonna come in.
Hoisted on my own petard, watching this whole house of cards
Come down, I've run out of canards to hold off Scotland Yard--oh no.
So we'll pardon the lord and punish the minion--
The pols and public never tire of that schtick:
Even in the court of public opinion,
With no sex in the scandal, no way you'll make it stick.
Now a spot-light is shinin' on me,
So bright that I can barely see.
Lately it occurs to me, what a sordid trip it's been.
Hackin', Imma find a new home, whoa, whoa baby, back where I belong,
Starting next Sunday with The Sun, and just keep hackin' on.
Hey now, get back hackin' on.
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