I'm not sure how, but we're apparently All About the sea-shanties this week, So here's a double-barrelled middle finger to the January 6th Capitol Hill terrorists, courtesy of a U.S. expat living in Maritimes Canada. (Note: All the Stan Rogers versions seem to be locked up by YouTube or Reddit, but this is a lovely, lively cover: https://vimeo.com/182341839)
Oh, the year was twenty and twenty-one --
How I wish I was employable now! --
When viral tweets from the tangerine King
Riled the scummiest rabble I'd ever seen:
Hell-ban them all! I was told,
We'd take back votes that the Democrats stole,
Wave our guns, drink lib'ral tears.
Now I'm a D-list player in the Vlog-o-sphere
The last of Donald's Privateers.
When four red states flipped over to blue --
How I wish I was employable now! --
The Murdochs & Mercers & alt-right hive
Swore that two plus two added up to five:
Hell-ban them all! I was told,
We'd take back votes that the Democrats stole,
Wave our guns, drink lib'ral tears.
Now I'm a D-list player in the Vlog-o-sphere
The last of Donald's Privateers.
The "patriot" crowd was a sickening sight --
How I wish I was employable now! --
Some came armed with zip-ties or horns or bombs,
And the half of them driven there by their Moms
Hell-ban them all! I was told,
We'd take back votes that the Democrats stole,
Wave our guns, drink lib'ral tears.
Now I'm a D-list player in the Vlog-o-sphere
The last of Donald's Privateers.
The Ellipse spiels were the opening act --
How I wish I was employable now! --
Rudy and fail-sons and Papa, too
Each blessed the mayhem we came to do:
Hell-ban them all! I was told,
We'd take back votes that the Democrats stole,
Wave our guns, drink lib'ral tears.
Now I'm a D-list player in the Vlog-o-sphere
The last of Donald's Privateers.
We swarmed the building with the big white dome --
How I wish I was employable now! --
We smashed glass and doors, maybe foiled some locks
But quick-witted aides saved the ballot-box:
Hell-ban them all! I was told,
We'd take back votes that the Democrats stole,
Wave our guns, drink lib'ral tears.
Now I'm a D-list player in the Vlog-o-sphere
The last of Donald's Privateers.
I prowled the halls spoiling for a fight --
How I wish I was employable now! --
A trial-by-combat with Pelosi
Or a best-two-out-of-three versus AOC:
Hell-ban them all! I was told,
We'd take back votes that the Democrats stole,
Wave our guns, drink lib'ral tears.
Now I'm a D-list player in the Vlog-o-sphere
The last of Donald's Privateers.
We snapped our selfies without a mask --
How I wish I was employable now! --
We took our trophies and set out for home,
Not one of us packing a burner-phone:
Hell-ban them all! I was told,
We'd take back votes that the Democrats stole,
Wave our guns, drink lib'ral tears.
Now I'm a D-list player in the Vlog-o-sphere
The last of Donald's Privateers.
My name was added to the No-Fly List --
How I wish I was employable now! --
Tho' I was down with Capitol Police,
I was doxxed to the G-men by my teenaged niece:
Hell-ban them all! I was told,
We'd take back votes that the Democrats stole,
Wave our guns, drink lib'ral tears.
Now I'm a D-list player in the Vlog-o-sphere
The last of Donald's Privateers.
President Harris is the Anti-Christ --
How I wish I was employable now! --
I'll sign off now before I wake me Mom--
Click 'Like' and donate to my Patreon:
Hell-ban them all! I was told,
We'd take back votes that the Democrats stole,
Wave our guns, drink lib'ral tears.
Now I'm a D-list player in the Vlog-o-sphere
The last of Donald's Privateers.
